Con Man's Legal Phone Scam: 900 Phone Line Offer

--How to Become your Community's Lonely Hearts Matchmaker, Resident Psychic, or Neighborhood Horn Dog.

Several of the 900-phone line operators are now offering to share the wealth: give you a chance to be just like them.

And, they don't care how old, or young, you are. To them age is important only if you are wine or cheese.

They will set you up in a con man-style business for yourself, the easy way: they will do all the work, and you will only sit back and enjoy the profits.

Being very successful at seeking out people who have delusions of adequacy, they know that acceptable thinking is: If you eat a live toad at breakfast, nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day and that enormous profits will follow such a swallowing of pride.

They already have the con man facilities, and the phone operators / answerers / counselors--or whatever you would call these people--and are now extending the hand of friendship toward your wallet. "Sharemanship" you might otherwise call it. (If at first you don't succeed, try management.)

For a little under $500 you can offer all the same "services" they do. They will set you up with your very own con man 900-phone number turnkey-package business.

The 3 best model packages from which you can choose, as the offering of your very own 900 service, are: 1. Matchmaker. Access their excellent staff of Dear Abby-type advisors to find kindred spirits of all kinds--from lovelorn to lovesick to love makers. 2. Psychic. Tap their mystic stable of Twilight Zone gurus--their version of Rod Serling in their vending of astrophysical counsel. 3. Adult. (Read, porno.) Self-explanatory. Or you can choose to manage a multiple of these offerings (Remember what Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.)

You will be pleased to know that these lines will work for you 24 / 7. And, that their con man counselors are very skilled in piling up chargeable minutes for you-- that;s the primary goal, the average now being 10 minutes per call, on which they collect $2.99-$5.99 per minute, of which they will dispense $1.00 per minute to you for the use of your lines. You will have no worries to concern yourself with over maintenance, operations, management, of any kind. Your only function will be to--out of your own pocket--advertise. This is their idea of serving up a 7-course meal consisting of something like a hot dog and 6-pack.

Why such generosity?

Simply because this sponge is nearly squeezed dry. These people have already tapped out their primary advertising media--underground newspapers, Howard Stern-type radio shows, and whacko internet sites--and are now beating the bushes for every last scrap of business to be had.

Hence, they would now like to invite you aboard their profit train, if you will bring with you, please, whatever new business you can drum up from your local newspaper classified ads, Kiwanis Club and high school year book associations, and shopping mall billboard postings.

Conversely, if you don't, so what. At this point they've already got your up-front money. These con men can now merely ignore you and solicit the next candidate from their sucker list for this glorious no work / all play turnkey package business setup.

Learn from the mistakes of others; you won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Would you have anything at all to gain from such a business association? If you don't mind becoming known as a weirdo, con man, or pornographer, maybe. Though doubtful. If you feel such a new identity added to your name in your community might be offensive to you, no. Remember a fundamental Law of Bureaucracy, which applies closely in this case: The solution to a problem creates a new problem.

Even singularly, based on its earnings potential alone, such "opportunity" just seems to not be there. A clear look proves that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

You'd probably go about as far in life, with the same social acceptance, if you took a hit of acid, smoked a joint, and bummed some money from your mother.

Legal Thriller Author Dissects Con Man-Inspired Courtroom Scam

In bankruptcy, a competent judge will frown mightily on a con man style shell game, any spending pattern that does not add up.

How often have you thought: If I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all?

You go to the track to play the horses. Bad day. You lose $5,000. You try to recoup by buying 1,000 lottery tickets. With the 100,000,000 to 1 odds against you so drastically reduced, you now have an excellent chance of winning, don't you? Wrong. Next you clean out your bank accounts, borrow on your insurance policies, take a second mortgage on your house, and go to Las Vegas. Ignoring how storm clouds form, you know you can turn your run of bad luck around and come out of your mire smelling like a rose garden. You drop $10,000 at blackjack, then your last $30.000 shooting craps.

Woe is you. You now can't pay your bills. Where do you go from here? Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Moe--whoever screws you up the most, that's the way you go.

To a credit counselor, of course. After all, the ad, "Bad Credit? No Problem!," assures you of a way out, right? You must placate your base instincts, because your faith in human nature is all-consuming.

The counselor says, let's consolidate. You reconsider. You feel you've been suckered. You should have known that the "No Problem" part of the ad really meant, "Big Problem."

Life can only be understood looking backwards; unfortunately, it must be lived forwards. So, next you visit a bankruptcy lawyer. She says file for same.

You sigh, agree, and decide on one last fling before doing so. You apply for 2 additional credit cards, max them out, and go skiing in Aspen for 2 weeks.

Then you come home and file. Docket day comes and the judge says, hey, wait a minute, there are a few questions. Have you applied for any new credit cards lately? How many charges? What amounts? Over the limit? Did you consult an attorney before filing? Did you make multiple charges on the same day? Was there a sudden change in your buying habits? Were the purchases for necessities or luxuries? What's your current income and prospects? How many changes, and of what nature, in your lifestyle? Gambling? Luxury vacations?

Holed. Cornered. Trapped. You now realize that--while you are an exaggerated case--yours is somewhat typical of today's "no way out" path to Debtors' Prison, and the only thing left for you is to throw yourself on the mercy of the court. And, sadly, the newest bankruptcy law is little more than the "Credit Card Issuers' Relief Act" It tightens the screws on credit card debtors to the point many will wish for the blessed relief of a Debtors Prison.

You suddenly come to grips with your missteps. You ask yourself, is too stupid to live justifiable suicide?

How do you compensate, reform, adjust?

Work hard, long hours. Economize. Budget. Honor thy debts. Pray.

What else?