Con Man-Inspired?--Nutty Law Suits Proliferate

--The Seeking Out of Deep Pockets Defendants Goes Ever-On

If a midget named, Tatoo, runs up to you, excitedly, pointing to the sky and shouting, "De plane, boss, de plane," wouldn't you throw your arms in the air and run off in the opposite direction?

That's what most people would do.

Where, then, do all the folks come from who would, instead, get out the golf cart and go driving off with Tatoo, through thickets , in search of the plane?

What kind of thinking is it that propels a seemingly endless array of zany law suits? Pie in the sky hopes? It must be something like this. How else can you possibly explain so many of the weird court actions that fefall us today. Following are just a few examples:

> $50,000,000 class action lawsuit filed againt snack food, Pirate's Booty, for weight gain--due to too many calories and too much fat in their product--and for the mental anquish, emotional distress, outrage, and indignation" this caused.
These suits are like giving a boozer a key to the liquor cabinet. How often have these been tried before? Many seem con man-inspired.

> An Illinois man places a $200,000 suit against a nightclub, claiming that stripper, Busty Heart, slammed her 88-inch breasts (claimed to be the world's largest, weighing 40 pounds each) against his neck as he was sitting too close in attendance of her performance. This purportedly caused his neck to become, "bruised, contused, lacerated, and made sore." Additionally, the incident led to the causation of "emotional stress, mental anguish, and indignity." (Is humility this man's only virtue?)

> New York businessman sues Air France for crew members smashing open the door of the rest room on a non-smoking flight, accusing him of smoking. It is claimed he was then dragged from the bathroom of the Air France plane with his pants around his ankles and toilet paper in hand--all this because a flight atendant thought he was sneaking a smoke. He alleges in his $12,000,000 lawsuit that he was "abused,insulted, and humiliatred." (Who could argue with that?)

> Lawyer files class ation suit against Southwestern Bell phone company. Lawyer admits to not uncovering much evidence. Settles suit to avoid litigation. The result? Customers get $15 cash credit each. Lawyer collects $4,000,000 fee--all cash.
If you don't know where you're going, any path will get you there. Is that the thinking?

> A quadriplegic sues a Florida strip club for not being able to get his wheel chair ino the lap-dancing room.

> A class action lawsuit against Texas' 2 leading auto insurance carriers ends in settlement (to avoid litigation), despite a ruling by the state insurance regulators that the practices in question were legal. Result? Customers receive $5.50 each. The lawyer pockets $8,000,000. With no credible evidence with which to refute settled law, this was like winning the lottery. Sound like a con man-style legal scam?

> From a $5 fingernail repair job to $500,000 lawsuit. That's what results when a Michigan woman claims a beauty salon beautician nicked a finger with a cuticle scissors. (Suppose, if she'd lost a whole thumb nail, the suit would have been for $100,000,000.)

> Woman sues Universal Studios because its theme parks's haunted house attraction is too scarey, causing her mental distress, extreme fear, emotional distress, and mental anguish. (How about fear of class action lawyers?)

> Tennessee woman sues a McDonald's restaurant for $110,000--for disfigurement from a second degree burn which she claims came from a pickle which fell from a hamburger. (Not coffee this time, a pickle.)
Her husband, not to be left out, also sues for $15,000, claiming that he was deprived of the services and companionship of his wife. Case is settled by McDonalds's. (Glad the husband's companionship with his pickle-injured wife was restored.)

> A German man sues his butcher for selling him bratworst that prohibited him from kissing.

> Bank robber, making getaway from an Oakland, California bank he'd just robbed, stuffs a bunch of marked money into his pants, unaware that the bundle also contains a security device. The tear gas device goes off leaving him racked with pain. He files a $2,000,000 law suit against the bank for his suffering.

Maybe it's a case of Barty's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the proability of its success. Perhaps the thinking is, generally, something along this line.

What else would explain such nuttiness?

Simple aspiation to sloth, gluttony, and greed?

Suppose that could be a logical answer, too.