Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Legal Thriller?--How to Scam For Fun and Profit Through a Foundation

--How to become a Scam Artist? You've Read the Basics in Previous Articles; Now it's on to an Advanced Scam School Education that reads like a Legal Thriller

A conscience does not prevent sin; it only prevents you from enjoying it.

Want to find a scam that's as simple as stealing cookies from girl scouts?Conscience be damned? Try this:

Your studies of basic Scamology completed (ref: the Archives), you are now ready to move on--from Scamology 101 to the next, more advanced class, Scamology 102.

Here we employ a slightly altered approach, one that reads like a real legal thriller book. Use of the legal, tax-exempt "Foundation" as the tool for plundering, pillaging, defrauding, and robbing blind all those you can persuade to trust you with their money.

(As foreboding and expensive as "Foundation" sounds, it's cheaper than you think. Check out with any attorney the--usually--reasonable costs of setting up your own tax exempt association. You can even run it out of a home office. This may seem like wearing bib overalls to a funeral, but it's not. It's doable.)

Speaking from the standpoint of the scam artist (visualize yourself in that role), here is how you could achieve wondrous results,

> Remember, from past lessons, that your primary goal is to generate an issue, where you can promote 2 strongly opposing sides, manufacture a problem so you can step in and solve it. Precursor is to foster the "Lets you and him fight?" psychosis to its fullest. For this, the Foundation is ideal because it affords you a legitimate-sounding shield, behind which you can hide while you deviously strive to follow Jahe's Law: Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.

> Win the battle? Lose? Who cares? Only relevant factor is being seen by the public as the "Good Guys." You must therefore, above all else, create a positive public image. Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.

> You must work hard to dehumanize all those opposing you, so you can justify manipulating your flock into hating them, and supporting you as a consequence. A conclusion is a place you get to when you're tired of thinking. Manipulate this common emotion to your advantage. Hammer home the necessity of jumping to a conclusion--so that your followers can come up with a flawed assumption.

> Now, dip back to the worthy motives learned from Scamology 101. Use these problems you've created through the setting up of your Foundation in the following ways: To manipulate, sell fear and divisiveness, divert attention, gain followers--to form your flock of sheep--and raise money to fatten your wallet at their expense. Much like borrowing funds from a pessimist, who doesn't expect to be repaid. (God must have loved stupid people; he made so many of them).

> A Foundation is a perfect "front" for your scamming activities because: 1) Buried among the many thousands of these which are legitimate, yours will be virtually invisible. 2) You can set up a stooge--a "front person," one with an appealing public image (manufactured war hero, an "I have overcome" disease recoverer, maybe a born-again Christian). 3) You are then free to become the behind-the-scenes string puller of your little puppet show--free to con, blackmail, bribe, lie, do whatever it takes to achieve your materialistic ends. Just be sure to keep your dupe (front person) ignorant of what is really going on. As the old proverb goes: Never try teaching a goat to dance; you waste your time and only annoy the goat.

> Now, when you write the rules,--with an exclusion clause for yourself--you can design them so you can follow the letter of the law while completely ignoring its intent.
The challenge is like crossing a lawyer with a librarian, your flock gets all the information it needs, and can't understand a word of it.

> You can set up sub-groups of suckers from within your flock to unwittingly do all the illegal, unethical, and immoral tasks, by way of a secret language through which you can give orders and not be held accountable. Always have your dumbest sucker designated as your scapegoat, someone to "take the fall" if anything goes wrong. You will want someone so stupid that she should be watered twice a week. There is no vaccine for stupidity.

> Good news must always be transmitted via your Simon Pure, Front Person; bad news by your Patsy. Use lots of statistics. Statistics are a highly logical and precise way for saying a half-truth inaccurately. (If you have to talk to yourself, don't use a bull horn.)

> There you have it. Always focus on the symptoms, never the problem.. Emphasize hope, dreams, fallacies, fiction, never facts, and especially, never the real problem itself.
Jump up and down about the symptoms. Make a lot of noise. (Attila the Hun died on his wedding night of a nose bleed; you don't want to go out as a wimp, like Attila.) Stay healthy. You can get plenty of exercise just dodging deadlines.

True, this whole thing sounds like a scientific exercise in Artificial Stupidity. Like advocating a return to slavery and abolition of a woman's right to vote. But, you'd be surprised at how every carbon-based life form on the planet craves recognition, honor, and respect, for themselves, and integrity in others. And, for the gifted con man, a cloak of integrity is easy to manufacture. You have merely to cash-in on these fundamental weaknesses--for your own fun and profit. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

Manage all these diverse elements--manipulate your followers properly, these people who would be out of their depth in a mud puddle--and your tax-free income will enrich you. No end.

And, for mop up operations? Simple. After the battle, like an auditor, you have only to show up and bayonet all the wounded.

22 comments:

Paul Rogers said...

Glad to see you back. Oh you have got a dandy this time, right up front...a conscience doesn't prevent sin, it only prevents you from enjoying it.

Warren M said...

Welcome back, Jack...it has been awhile. I like the emphasis you put on setting up sub-groups of suckers to take all the hits. This is realistic.

Bern said...

I like the way you phrase things, Jack. It makes everything you write about the con man business sound like a comic opera. Entertaining as well as informative. That's the way I like to learn things about this business.

David H. said...

Jack, you're a font of pithy maxims.

Gene Kranik said...

There is no vaccine for stupidity. That's the short pithy maxim I really like.

Swubird said...

Con Man:

Thank you so much for showing me how to scam the world. In these troubled times we need more gurus like you - real people who know how to balance our personal budgets. You're the man - The Con Man1

Happy trails my friend.

Jack Payne said...

Thanks, guys, for the nice words on my narritive techniques. Just "tellin' it like it is," and, hopefully, in as entertaining a way as possible.

Sage & Devine said...

Whats wrong with wearing bib overalls to a funeral?

Ione Hesber said...

I went to one of these meeting once. Like you said a bunch of statistics were spilled out that sounded like a cross between a lawyer and a librarian. I couldn't understand any of it...I left early. The thing that always bothered me though was, why did so many people stay? It was obvious that they didn't understand a thing either.

Ariel J said...

From your description of these sucker groups, Jack, I get the idea that the average I.Q. must be the size of a pencil eraser. Is it really possible to turn any normal, sensible person into a mind-numbed cult follower like these people you describe?

Robin Easton said...

"How to become a Scam Artist? You've Read the Basics in Previous Articles; Now it's on to an Advanced Scam School...."

(Laughing my head off)

"(God must have loved stupid
people; he made so many of them)."

(Laughing my head off even harder!!)

"....you'd be surprised at how every carbon-based life form on the planet craves recognition,..."

(Now, hooting and howling!!!) :)

I mean seriously laughing. This is definitely your piece de resistance!!! You are always hot, Jack, but this one absolutely sizzles!!!

All these types of phrases that you use and I've listed above are YOUR trademark. I occasionally see someone use one here or there, but they just roll out of you. I always wonder where you got that from, because it is very unique to you. And effortlessly so.

Jack, you would make a great stand up comic. I'm serious. I could see this whole post done as stand up comedy. Amazing!

Sending you a big hug Jack,
You are the best!
Robin

Diane said...

Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. That's the pearl this time, Jack. You should be writing for Jay Leno.

Terry said...

It seems this time there's more energy put into analyzing your satire output than to the subject itself, Jack. Way to go...I still understand and follow what you are trying to say, and sure do enjoy the way you say it.

Dee said...

Jack most people come to my blog looking for alternative jobs for lawyers so it looks like you're giving me some ideas to promote. That work at home Foundation for instance.

Oh another search time on my blog "Atty Jack Payne". Made me smile. Way to go Jack.

Jack Payne said...

Yeah, Ione, that's to their advantage--all those people who do not abandon all of their gobble-de-gook double-talk, like you did. You were smart.
This is what keeps the con men going.

Same answer as for you, above, Ariel.

Jack Payne said...

Many years ago I was chided for not getting myself on the Johnny Carson show, Robin and Dianne. But, it seems, I've always had my hands full just writing for myself.

Dee, I actually started a Foundation once when I was a kid, using a house door as my desk top, on a makeshift desk in my basement. I moved out of it 3 years later, but it went on for several more years after that
(Reason I moved out of it was because they said I had no credibility because of my youth.)

Rashow said...

Did you really start your own Foundation Jack? In your basement? Sounds like you had it stolen from you.

HEALTH NUT WANNABEE MOM said...

This is scary the conscience doesn't prevent sin , it only prevents you from enjoying it. You are always right on and I so enjoy reading your blog and the way that you write. I love stopping by. You are very clever!

Jack Payne said...

Yes, it was stolen from me, Rashow. I WAS just a naive kid, exploring my way forward into life. They convinced me that I was simply too young to be credible as "Executive Director."

Jack Payne said...

The sin / conscience connection always intrigued me, Heidi.

Mike said...

That's some good information. I mean, that's horrible!

Anonymous said...

I really liked the article, and the very cool blog